| Movie |
The Gamers (V) |
| Year |
2002 |
 |
Rogar, the Barbarian:
Speak, or I shall smite thee with my mighty blade!
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Rogar, The Barbarian:
Am I still unconscious?
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Nimble the Thief:
[shocked] The Shadow?
Ambrose:
[scared] The Shadow?
Newmoon the Elf:
[resolved] The Shadow.
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The Gamemaster:
You're going to backstab him with a ballista?
Nimble the Thief:
Uh huh
The Gamemaster:
With a ***ing siege weapon?
Nimble the Thief:
Uh huh
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[after Nimble backstabbed Hunk with a ballista]
The Gamemaster:
I can't believe I'm doing this.
[rolls the dice]
The Gamemaster:
Well, that's 264 points of damage. You splatter Hunk all over the common room. The patrons shriek in horror and run out of the inn, occasionally slipping on blood and entrails. You're now alone in a room that looks like a vat of beef stroganoff exploded in it.
Ambrose:
[wiping his face] Cool.
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Ambrose:
Hey, isn't Mark supposed to be here?
The Gamemaster:
Uh yeah. He's over there.
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[after Newmoon shoots the Bandit King]
Rogar, the Barbarian:
[laughs] Masterful shot friend elf.
Nimble the Thief:
He had the chance to escape.
Mark:
Three cheers for the archer!
Rogar, the Barbarian, Mark, Nimble the Thief:
Hup hup! Hazah! Hup hup! Hazah! Hup hup!
Paula:
Shut up!
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Nimble the Thief:
By morning you will again sup the sweet air of freedom.
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Newmoon the Elf:
Call shot to the nuts.
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The Gamemaster:
Guys, please! I want you to roleplay this. Remember you've never met this guy before, the last guys you met tried to kill you, and you're standing in the ruins of an evil, cursed castle. Just act appropriately.
Magellan:
Hello, I'm Magellan, a traveling mage. I notice your group has no wizard.
Rogar, the Barbarian:
You seem trustworthy. Would you care to join us in our noble quest?
Magellan:
Yes. Yes I would.
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Newmoon the Elf:
[interrupting the Gamemaster] Wait, wait, wait! Cross the river? Shouldn't we like... uh... bury him. You know like, give him a proper funeral?
Nimble the Thief:
I agree!
Ambrose:
[rolling up a new character, looking up surprised] Thanks, guys!
Rogar, The Barbarian:
Yeah, yeah! Dude! We get 15 piety points per level when we bury a party member, and since he was level six...
Nimble the Thief:
That be like 90 points!
Rogar, The Barbarian:
Buhyah!
Nimble the Thief:
Buhyah!
Nimble the Thief, Rogar, The Barbarian:
[Nimble highfives Rogar]
Newmoon the Elf:
And that'll totally make up for that orphanage we burned down...
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The Gamemaster:
Now begins the killing, followed by light salad...
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Rogar, the Barbarian:
[after encountering The Shadow] Send Mark after him!
[Everybody agrees in anticipation]
Mark:
[controlled by the party members] Blod, death, and vengeance...
[Sound of bones breaking. Nimble, Newmoon, Magellan, and Rogar steps backwards in horror. Mark's decapitated body falls to the ground]
The Shadow:
And now for the rest of you.
Rogar, the Barbarian:
Great! Mark's gonna be pissed.
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