| Movie |
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert |
| Year |
1994 |
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Marion:
Stop wearing out that mirror!
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Felicia:
[singing] A desert holiday, let's pack the drag away. You take the lunch and tea, I'll take the ecstasy. *** off you silly queer, I'm getting out of here. A desert holiday, hip hip hip hip hooray!
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Bernadette:
Stop flexing your muscles, you big pile of budgie turd. I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed if you just go back to the pub and *** a couple of pigs on the bar.
Bob:
Bernadette, please.
Frank:
BERNADETTE? Well I'll be darned. The whole circus is in town. Well I suppose you wanna *** too do you? Come on Bernadette, come and *** me. That's it. Come on. Come and *** me. Come on.
[Bernadette knees Frank in the groin]
Bernadette:
There, now you're ***ed!
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Bernadette:
No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!
Tick:
Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?
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[Cooking sausages]
Felicia:
How do you like your little boys, girls?
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Bernadette:
That's just what this country needs: a***in a frock on a rock.
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Bernadette:
One more push, I'm gonna to smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!
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Bernadette:
Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!
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Bernadette:
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more ***ing ABBA!"
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Felicia:
It's so funny you'll laugh so hard your lashes will curl all by themselves.
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Felicia:
So anyway, back to me.
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Felicia:
Oh, for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood.
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Felicia:
Do you think I'm going to let you walk away with all the attention? No chance, come on girls. Let's go shopping.
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Mitzi:
Come on girls, off your snatches.
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Mitzi:
Oh, get bet back in your kennels, both of you.
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Felicia:
Do you know why this microphone has such a long cord? So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your***
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Mitzi:
You know, there are two things I don't like about you, Felicia... your face. So how 'bout shutting both of them?
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Felicia:
Mowing those lawns must have been murder on your heels, though.
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Mitzi:
What fun. Baby bottles of booze.
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Felicia:
The only life I saw for the last million miles were the hypnotized bunnies. Most of them are now wedged in the tires.
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Mitzi:
Bernice has left her cake out in the rain!
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Mitzi:
Tack-a-rama!
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Cynthia:
Me don't like you anyway. You have little ding-a-ling.
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Bernadette:
Being a man one day and a woman the next isn't an easy thing.
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Bernadette:
Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. Unlike bloody drag queens who just keep breeding like rabbits.
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Bernadette:
Oh. Uh, gather around girls, uh, let me show you a trick. You, um, drink the Gin...
[Guzzles the entire contents]
Bernadette:
aah, uh, fill the bottle up with water and then put it back in the fridge.
Mitzi:
Va-t'on vous. What about the scotch?
Bernadette:
Aha! That's where the complimentary tea bags come in handy.
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Felicia:
Do you have the Texas Chainsaw Mascara?
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Felicia:
[when the Spencer's see all three and then take off] Oh, for goodness sakes, look at yourself, Mitz. How many times do I have to tell you? Green is not your color!
[Laughs hysterically]
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Bernadette:
Ladies, start your engines!
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[after their bus breaks down in the middle of the outback]
Bernadette:
Oh Felicia. Where the Fukawi?
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Bernadette:
We've only recently discovered that young Anthony here, bats for both teams.
Mitzi:
I do not!
Felicia:
Oh, so we're straight?
Mitzi:
No.
Felicia:
Oh, we're not. So we're a donut puncher, after all?
Mitzi:
No.
Felicia:
Then what the *** are we?
Mitzi:
I don't ***in' know.
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Bernadette:
Oh, you must be ***ing joking.
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Tick:
Is it true when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?
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Bernadette:
What a lovely dog. What's it's name?
Bob:
Herpes. If she's good, she'll heel.
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Mitzi:
I never heard Trumpet play.
Bernadette:
Play? He didn't *play*, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large that he could wrap the entire thing around a Monte Carlo biscuit.
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Benji:
Does Dad have a boyfriend at the moment?
Felicia:
No, no he doesn't.
Benji:
Neither does Mum. She used to have a girlfriend, but she got over her.
Benji:
[Benji pauses, then turns and looks at Felicia] You want to come play in my room? I've got Lego.
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Bernadette:
[after Felicia tells Bernadette about her ABBA story] Are you telling me this is an ABBA turd?
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Tick:
What do you assume I do?
Marion:
Assumption, my dear Mitz, is the mother of all ***-ups.
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Marion:
Morals are a choice, and he'll decide his own when he's good and bloody well ready.
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Tick:
[Tick and Bernadette are discussing what it would be like to have children] What happens if they turn out like Adam?
Bernadette:
You stuff 'em back in and ask for a refund.
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Felicia:
Oh, you can't do that with a ping-pong ball!
Bernadette:
Wanna bet?
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Felicia:
I met these Swedish tourists called... Lars, Lars and Lars.
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Felicia:
[after showing him the bus he had bought for their trip] Ta-da! What do you think?
Tick:
When do we have to return it to the school?
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Tick:
I've um... been asked to do a show out of town.
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Doctor:
Mr. Belrose?
Tick:
Yes?
Doctor:
It's a boy.
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Bernadette:
You've got to be ***ing joking!
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Bernadette:
How long is the run?
Tick:
Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, accommodation included.
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Felicia:
This old man he played two. He played knick-knack with my poo!
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Felicia:
I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper, Pricilla: Queen Of The Desert.
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Felicia:
How long have we been on the road?
Bernadette:
Four and a half hours.
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Felicia:
Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me? Is it true that her real name is Ralph?
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Tick:
Night, John Boy.
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Bernadette:
Don't "Darling", me, Darling. Look at you. You've got a face like a cat's arse.
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Felicia:
I mean who is the fish that runs this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere anyway? Your mother?
Tick:
My wife. I'm married.
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Felicia:
This is getting too weird. You, and a *woman*? What did she used do for kicks? Put a bucket over your head and swing off the handle?
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Felicia:
You haven't got any kids stashed away as well have you?
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Felicia:
All dolled up and nowhere to go.
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Bernadette:
At least the bump on your head is bigger than your prick!
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Tick:
What sort of bent-childhood... did you have, Adam Whitely?
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Uncle Barrie:
Uncle Barrie's penie-pie is caught in the drain. Get mummy! Get mummy!
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Felicia:
Sorry... Ralph.
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Bernadette:
Do tell us your hilarious joke.
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